Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
