two words: eviction party
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
