when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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