My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize