Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
