On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
