Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
