the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
