I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Come on in and take your pants off
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