accomplished twins. life is a go
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
