My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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