My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
