anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
