everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
