My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
