My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
