mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
