Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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