nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
