So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i think im in europe. pls send help
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
