Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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