I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
