Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
