barbara walters just said penis...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
