I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
