i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
