This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
