2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
