So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
