For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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