It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
