just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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