there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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