First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
