What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
