Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
