He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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