he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
