I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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