you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
