Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
