Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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