I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
