So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
