My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
