I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
