I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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