Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
