I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Randomize
