the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
