he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
