A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
