sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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