I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
You left your phone here
Wait...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
