Will you blow on my dice?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
