Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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