So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
