I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
