my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
