my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
im drinking this country out of the recession.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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